Adventures with Candi – June 22, 2018

June 22, 2018
Denver, CO

So, I decided to take my kid’s advice and look for a place. Of course, I have very specific criteria for where I am going to live and that’s a decent bar nearby so I don’t have to worry about driving. I can get away with drinking and driving in rural Idaho, but not in the city. Fucking pussies. I hate people who can’t hold their liquor.

I had my lawyer draw up papers giving the house in Idaho to the other three of my loser daughters. Figure it’ll take them about a week to burn the place down, but what can you do. It’s about time those fucking leeches start taking care of themselves. At least Lara was right about that. What she wasn’t right about was how fucking good Hamilton was. Got her ass beat good and clean. She’s gonna spend some time in the hospital before she heads overseas.  I was getting annoyed at her being around all the fucking time anyway. Maybe I can get a little peace and quiet.

At least as much as you can while sitting in a bar. Yeah, I know it’s only fucking noon, but fuck you and your goddamned judgements.


“Candi! Tough loss on Wednesday. Nice stitches.”

Candi most definitely wasn’t in the mood for that shit. “Shut the fuck up. Just pour me a goddamned beer. I thought that was your fucking job, not goddamned commentary.”

The bartender grins, holding up his hand in peace, “Just making an observation, dear.” He reaches down and grabs a mug and fills it from the tap and slides it over.

Candi reaches for her lifeline and takes a drink. “Needed that shit today.”

Bartender goes back to cleaning mugs, “So you got the kid this week, hm? You’ve had it pretty rough since you got here. Maybe they figure you gotta take it easy or something.

“What the fuck are you yammering about?”

“That Emily Falls girl. You’re fighting her next week.”

Candi reaches into her pocket for her phone and pulls up the Mile High webpage and furrows her brows.  Then she clicks one a few more links. “Oh, that one.”

Bartender laughs, “You don’t even remember her, do you? Do you even go back and watch the show?”

Taking another drink from her mug, “Why the fuck do I need to do that? It isn’t bad enough I gotta live through it live each week?”

He gives a shrug at that, “I guess you do have a point there. Nice strategy though, getting those other Shieldmaidens out of the way before you’re match, but damn Candi, you should have let Skrabz help you out from the beginning.”

“Why so he can take the fucking credit? I gotta fight that piece of shit in a few weeks and I don’t need him taking credit for shit. Besides, this was my fight. That fucking brothel took it upon themselves to gang up on me? I’m not sure I’m quite done with them. I need to talk to the boss about feeding them to me, one a week and we will see how much shit they can talk then. As for Scrabz, I’ll deal with him in Phoenix.”

Candi continues to look at her phone. “Wait a second…”

Bartender furrows his eyebrows curiously, “What is it?”

“This is the girl that pukes all over the place. What the fuck? I swear to God if she pukes on me, I’ll murder her. I didn’t even let my kids puke on me when they were little, ungrateful brats. I remember this one now. She got that fluke win over that pregnant chick,” Candi is still clicking through her phone.

“Pregnant chick? There’s a pregnant chick wrestler now?”

“Are you fucking stupid? I said it was a fluke because apparently the boss knocked up one of the talent and so she just walked out of the match. That motherfucker gets around. Shit, at least get snipped if you’re gonna fuck around on your hot wife, you fucking idiot.” Candi just shakes her head. “I guess no one uses fucking condoms anymore.”

The bartender laughs and pours Candi another beer, as she finally sets her phone down. “I’ll tell you what though, I kinda like that kid Falls though. She’s got…” Candi searches for the right word before settling on, “something. She’s got something. I don’t quite know what that is yet, but she’s got something. I guess we will see what she can do when we get into the ring.”

“Something? That’s the best you got?”

“Better than nothing, shithead.”

“I guess that’s about right.” The bartender laughs and he places a bowl of peanuts in front of Candi, “Anyone else you want to face in Mile High?”

Candi takes a peanut and cracks it open as she thinks about that question, “Should probably try and avenge my dumbass kid and challenge Hamilton to a match, but I figure she’s coming for the title at some point and besides, my daughter was dumb enough to start the fight, but not big enough to finish it. Her own damn fault.” She pops the peanuts into her mouth.

“You’re a cold one, Bratton.”

“I’m the realist person you know, fuckhead. I say what everyone else wants to say deep down and they fucking know it.”

The bartender looks at her for a moment, “You’re a lot more chill lately. I figure you’d have a lot more to say consider some of the things that Falls had to say about you.”

Candi narrows her eyes, “That the fuck are you talking about?”

The barkeep pulls out his phone and puts the promo for Candi to see. They watch together and when it’s over, Candi nods her head. “I guess she needs her ass beat after all. That’s what sucks about fucking kids these days. They’re parents do beat the fear of God into them anymore like they did when I was a kid. Well, I guess I gotta do what her parents failed to do.”

She finishes her beer and slides off her stool, “Now, I gotta go sign for my new place. I’ll be back later.”

The bartender waves, “Later, Candi and good luck!”

She doesn’t say anymore but just walks out of the bar as the scene fades.