The Prankster’s Log – 2018.06.15

Somewhere in Denver, CO

Perhaps it doesn’t take much to rile up an unhinged person. A little tap with a knee or two. A light touch of a cane. A gentle squeeze around the neck. Who figured it would get taken so personally. A simple joke, played on a simpleton who takes it far more personally than would have been imagined.

Who’d have thunk it?

“Such a sad, sad little story, Sammy Hammy. Putting yourself out there like that. Sharing your deepest darkest secrets. You could have saved it for your Sammy’s Greatest Hits DVD Collection that I’m sure someone will create once I send you scampering away like a cute little Pepe Le Pew trying to avoid getting hit by a semi-truck as it barrels down the highway, twenty miles above the speed limit.”

She leans into the camera and waggles a finger.

“What’s the matter, honey? Can’t take a joke? It was all meant in good fun. I just wanted to get your attention and lookie lookie at this, it seems to have worked. See, you seem to have forgotten my time in Fight Union. Four matches in one night and I won three of those babies. One a triple threat ladder match, the other a triple threat elimination match, a battle royal and a one on one match with a loser named Nova. And I walked away with this little baby right here.”

She holds up the Outlaw Championship that she still hasn’t returned to Fight Union yet.

“I was attacked by outside parties in two of those matches, by the way and I still managed to win. So, you don’t get to show me some nostalgic piece of documentary and think that I’m gonna shake in my very awesome looking boots. Cause I’m not. You’re a typical muscle-bound chick thinking they’re better than everyone else cause you can lift a few weights. I’m still waiting to see you to something impressive. But you can’t. You won’t. Because if there is one thing that you aren’t, Sammy… it’s impressive.”

She lays the championship down and she leans back and looks off into the distance for a moment, before turning her attention back to the camera, “You want to talk about history? You think I’m some spoiled child? Why do you think I’m the way that I am? Why do you think that I exceed expectations each and every time? You see, I was never supposed to be a straight A student. I have three sisters who never graduated from high school. I was never supposed to go to college. And I was never supposed to get a degree. I was never supposed to be a referee. I was never supposed to be a wrestle. I was never supposed to be a champion. And I most certainly was never supposed to wrestle and win three out of four matches in a single night.”

She stands and moves around the room, setting the championship belt for display on a dresser as she gives a little shrug. “My whole entire life is a series of what I never should have been. But you see, I did. I shattered each and every expectation of what a Bratton child was supposed to be.”

She picks up her cane and mimics like she’s playing golf with it.

“A hole in one, each and every time. So, little miss Sammy Hammy, you say I don’t stand a chance to beat you in a street fight in Mile High Wrestling? I may not have a contract, but I’ll come to Denver on Wednesday and meet you face to face. And you know what you’ll be?”

A grin slowly spreads across her face.

“Just another expectation that I’m going to have to shatter. And when I send you packing from Mile High, embarrassed that all your boasts and claims never came to fruition, just remember how you underestimated me. Remember how you told everyone how you were going to send me out on a stretcher.”

She reaches up and taps on the lens of the camera, “And remember that while it might not be April First, you’ll be the biggest fool of all.”

“And cut. That was great!”

My best friend Trudy has been my bestest pal since high school and continues to be so to this day. I can’t imagine life without her. She’s been a rock.

My phone begins to ring.

“It’s your mom.”

“Put it on speaker, I guess.”

Speaker: “Hello? Lara?”

“Right here, mom.”

Speaker: “What the fuck was that shit you pulled the other night?”

“What shit?”

Speaker: “With Hamilton? You didn’t tell me you were doing that. I thought you were heading overseas.”

“I am soon. For now, I thought I’d play. I thought you’d be happy.”

Speaker: “Well, I got too much shit going on to worry about that. I just wish you’d have told me what you were doing. I’ve got enough fucking shit on my plate with these fucking Shieldwhores to be worrying about Hamilton coming after me because of your insane shit.”

“I’ll take care of Hamilton, don’t you worry. I don’t think she’s worrying about you. She’s completely focused on me right now. You do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to do.”

Speaker: “Well next time, give me a goddamned heads up. This is where I make a living and you’re just here passing through. I don’t need goddamned management fucking me over because of shit you’re drumming up here.”

“Fine, mom. Fine.”

Speaker: “I got shit to get done before Wednesday. I probably won’t see you before then anyway.”

“Mom. You really trying to take on all of the Shieldmaiden all by yourself?”

Speaker: “And that goddamned douche bag Forge too. Fuck them all. I’ll fight them all by myself.”

“Be careful. You’re not getting any young..”


“…er. Well, damn.”

Trudy just laughs, “You’re mom’s a riot.”

Lara just shakes her head, “Not sure about that, but she certainly enjoys starting them. I’m really worried about her and this Shieldmaiden thing, but if I get involved, then I’ve gotta worry about her kicking my ass.”

Trudy stops laughing and shrugs, “Do what you have to do. Just remember, you have a pissed off blonde you have to deal with first.”

Lara grins, “I ain’t really worried about her. She’s underestimating me. That’s her mistake. I’ll make sure not to make any when I face her. I know she’s tough, but I’m tougher.”

Trudy nods and smiles, “Well, then let your mom do her thing. She’s going to be here long after you leave. She’s going to have to look after herself.”

Lara gets up and nods her head, “Well, I suppose that’s true. You’re right. She can take care of herself. Hungry? I’m dying for some sushi.”

Trudy nods her head, “Let’s go.”

Scene fades.