The Bratton Blog – June 9, 2018

June 9, 2018
Denver, CO

I already paid the deductible, you fucking troll!”

I already filled out the police report! Do I sound like a goddamned moron to you?”

I’m fucking stuck in goddamned Denver until my fucking truck gets fixed!”

The voice is coming from behind closed doors, but it may very well be in the same room as your friendly neighborhood Prankster, Lara Bratton.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Masterbator, now you’ve gone and done it.” Lara is sitting on a couch at a auto repair shop, while her mother is in a private office on the phone with her insurance agent.

You see, you can spit on her, you can call her names, you can beat up her daughter but you can’t mess with her truck. And unfortunately for you, now you have to deal with the consequences.”

She rises from her seat and walks towards the camera, “And now, they’re putting you in a cage with her? Are they fucking nuts? She’s going to murder you. She’s going to maim you. She’s going to take every cent she has to pay to repair her truck out of your ass.”

Goddamn it! If you don’t fucking authorize these repairs on my goddamned brand new truck then I’m going to find you and I’m going to beat the payment out of you. I’ve been paying insurance for decades and this is how you’re gonna treat me? I’m going to fucking destroy you!” her voices seems to get louder and louder.

Hear that, douche bag? You see her week in and week out on your television or your computer, or in person. She does what she does because she enjoys it. She enjoys winning by any means necessary. She actually has fun. But now you’ve pissed her off. You’ve poked her with a very large stick and now you have no idea what you’ve unleashed. Wednesday night, it will not be about fun for her. It’ll be about revenge and destruction.

That’s more fucking like it. I’m the goddamned customer and I’m always right. You can let them know to start fixing my goddamned truck because there is no way in hell I’m staying any longer in fucking Denver than I have to!”

Lara peeks back at the door and turns back to the camera, “And you know what, I don’t even need to be at ringside for her match with you, you self indulgent prick. No, in fact, I have plans of my own for Wednesday and they have nothing to do with you.”

The door suddenly flies open and Candi sees the camera and points, “Is that them? Is that those Mile High motherfuckers?” She rushes over to the cameraman who tries to back up and then falls back with an ‘oof’ and Candi leans over and begins to scream, “Listen here, you fucking little turd. I’m going to rip your body apart, limb from goddamned fucking limb. And then I’m going to rip your goddamned soul from your body. I’m going to leave you a bloody, beaten pile of crap in the middle of that cage and guess what, motherfucker? Your fucking goon squad can’t help you inside that cage, so I hope you know what you’re in for because you’re fucking dead meat, bitch!”

She leans back up and looks at Lara, “Get this piece of shit out of here before I kill him.”

Candi disappears from the view as the camera continues to look up at the ceiling. Lara leans down, “Might want to scram, dumbass before she comes back.”

The scene fades.